"In an 11th hour move that shocked the international athletic and political communities alike, the Chinese Olympic Team announced Wednesday that it will not be attending the XXIX Olympiad in Beijing due to "shocking, shameful, and ultimately dangerous environmental conditions" in the host city." - The Onion
(Thanks to the Onion for letting me use their caption......without asking.)
So how about this: The Olympics is one of the most politically influential forums we have for nations to ascert their dominance. And as ironic as it may seem, the medal counts follow current world economies and superpowers pretty closely.
Think back to the Cold War. What bigger rivalry was there than the U.S. vs. U.S.S.R. in Olympic hockey and basketball history? Intercontinental ballistic missiles were put on hold to see the outcome of those Olympic Games of the late 70's and early 80's. And today, as China is "on the world's stage" as we've heard so many times, they are poised to dominate these Olympics; much as their economy has mirrored their successes in winning Olympic gold medals.
So rather than throw billions of dollars at wars that cannot be won, with no end in site,
...how about throwing that money towards the Olympic sports forums of the world. We'd be a much happier, healthier species. I mean, think about it:
- Unsportsmanlike conduct relegates your country to "developing-nation" status,
- Tough, political messages take on a whole new meaning: "I'll kick your ass once we leave those starting blocks, biiiaaaatch..."
- Countries with doping athletes get imposed with economic sanctions for a probationary period,
- World leaders would be required to sit next to each other, hold hands, and sing "Cumbaya,"
- All athletes would be required to enter the arena wearing gladiator outfits and the puffy hands; even the Chinese gymnists,
- The USA Olympic Waterboarding Team would be heavily favored,
"Your right, or.....or.....or my right?"
- not only would shit-talkin' be encouraged, but rewarded with increased global oil production,
- McDonalds' decades-long Olympic Supporter sponsorship slogan would change to, "Oh yea, USA, baby, that's how we roll!"
The Olympics are as patriotic as it can get. World leaders, good and bad, dictators, war lords, facists, communists, presidents and military leaders,
...would all take a back seat to their country's greatest athletes where wars would be won and lost on the playing field, in a battle-royale of Biblical proportions every 2 years. Winning countries get shit-talkin' rights, and bonus "medal-points" for 70's porn-star-style...
The Olympics put the world's problems into perspective. We are all humans, competing to be the best in the world. And for a time, we forget the TV images of guns, bombs, and human sufferage and focus on being number one in the world against humans that we may try and destroy on a battlefield. We forget, that is, until somebody like Russia rolls it's tanks and tries to restart the Cold War. Take it to the pool, Vladimir...
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