TwoWheeledWorld: An Interview With The Bike...

So, I was in the garage the other day, casually tweaking things around on the workbench when I noticed the Orbea leaning up against the wall. I thought to myself, I wonder what The Bike has to say about this season? The following is my interview with The Bike, conducted in the garage on a casual Friday afternoon over a box of Mike N' Ike's.

TwoWheeledWorld: So, what was that whole pre-race crash about last week, anyway?
The Bike: Hey man, you have your days, I have mine...

TWW: Fair enough...So, how'd the season go for you?
The Bike: Pretty decent, although I got sick of being the 2nd place loser like 4 times in a row...I mean, I can tell you exactly what kind of rear tire Mike Mathers rides; that is, until he rides away from you...

TWW: That's harsh, dude. See if I ever wash your saddle again...
(uncomfortable silence)

So, do you have any regrets from this year?

The Bike: Not really, although I could have done without all the "wildflower this" and "wildflower that" type rides, you dirty hippie. I'm a race bike - not some freeridin' Trek...

TWW: ...Do you feel like you fit in with the rest of the race bikes?
The Bike: Ya, we all get along. Everybody crackes their jokes. That is, except for those Giant full carbons...Talk about crackin.' What a tightly wound group they are...

TWW: I saw you leaning up on one of the Yeti Betty bikes a while back. How'd that go for you?
The Bike: Not bad. But she was from Ft Collins, and you know how those bikes can be. She had one heck of a saddle, though.........Carbon SLR, I think.

TWW: Hmmm.....can you believe the season is already over?
The Bike: I know - it's crazy... Soon it'll be snowing. Hey what do you do with your race bikes once the season's over, anyway?
(uncomfortable silence)

TWW: You...you'member that time we were racing out in Nathrop that one time and.......and it was, like all windy and stuff, and then it just......um.......didn't stop being windy for like 2 hours.....and.................you.........you'member that.......?

The Bike: Ya....?

TWW: That..............tha'was awesome........

TWW: So, what do you think of the CERN particle accelerator finally getting some experiments running?
The Bike: Well, I'm no theoretical physicist, but if the Higgs Boson exists, that LHC is gonna find it. I mean, have you seen those proton synchrotron boosters? Damn........off the chain dawg!

TWW: So, what's your favorite bike part?
The Bike: I've always been fond of my cranks. They're kind of similar to your legs: lightweight and kind of chicken-like. But damn are they sexy.

TWW: And, least favorite?
The Bike: Well, not so much a bike part, but whenever you jam the seatpost back in.........hello!

TWW: So, what are you up to today?
The Bike: Well, a few of us were thinking about heading up to the top of Gold Camp and straightlining it down to the road, but I think that might fall through. One of the guys has some kind of linkage problem and needs to have it looked at. I just think it's stress, but who am I to say...

TWW: Well, I'd better head back inside. I think the puffy hands are just about dry and I've got some wiring rework to do on the porch light.
(uncomfortable silence)

The Bike: Hey..........when you needed me I came through......don't you forget that.