TwoWheeledWorld: Interview With The Bike...

As you may, or may not know, I sold my road bike the other day so I could get a new one that fits me better. But more on that later... In preparation for this, I completely tore it down to the frame and rebuilt it - to the very last bolt.

Hint: I typically do this with every bike I sell.

While I was in the garage last week working on the road bike, my XC race bike was casually, if not arrogantly, leaning up against the wall glaring at my every move.

This bike......I tell ya.... it's like one of those totally nuerotic service dogs you see in training. Never takes its piercing eyes of its owner, ears perked up, enough energy to part the seas.....

Anyway, I had my portable voice recorder with me and I recorded our conversation, related to the 2009 racing season. The following is that conversation (apparently The Bike has a German accent):

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TwoWheeledWorld: ..........Sup...........

The Bike:

TWW: So how'd this season go for you?

The Bike: Well, it went ok, but sheeezuz if you go out too hard one more time, I swear......berechtigte beshcwerde!

TWW: ............................What race was your favorite?

The Bike: I liked all ze races where you didn't crash..........zo.......Nationals.....

TWW: C'mon.. I didn't crash that much on you this year.

The Bike: Please..... you give new meaning to ze word "gravity." .........Achtung!

TWW: Were you pretty happy with how you were built? I mean, would a different parts mix have made any differences?

The Bike: Ze only sing that would have made any differences is if you'd have trained harder. I mean honestly, what kind of pro mountain bike racer has mayonnaise on his zandwich? Do you think Absalon has mayaonnaise on his sandwich? Hmmmmm?

TWW: Dude I gave up that dream long ago. I'm no Absalon and I never will be....

The Bike: Tell me about it...................wischer drecksau....das ist aber schade....

TWW: This season sure was a wet one, huh? I mean, what did you think about all the rainy and muddy races we had?

The Bike: I think you need to learn how to ride on ze wet roots! Zat's what I think!

TWW: ........So what's next for you?

The Bike: I don't know - aren't you going to whore me out and zell me like the rest of your bikes? I have ze internet, you know....

TWW: .........................Every bike that I race becomes a part of me. You are a part of me and I will never ever forget that.

The Bike: Oh! Zo you aaaare! You! I carry you through mud and rain, through heat and wind zince Maaarch and zis is what I get? You insenzitive lout...